Approaches To Handling Toxic People


An article came across my desk the other day from Dr Travis Bradberry regarding “Toxic People”. You can see it here and I highlight under the heading "Dr Bradberry States" a few of his points. In addition here are some pithy little sayings that I also found on the internet which just seem to hit the right spot regarding this topic:

·        Some people create their own storms and then get mad when it rains.

·        Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family.

·        You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships.  You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you.  You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.

·        Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean that you hate them – it just means that you love yourself.

·        Some people are like clouds.  When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.

·        Go on a No Nuts Diet.  Avoid people who drive you nuts.

·        People inspire you, or they drain you – pick them wisely.

Comment From Sandy

You will notice that in one statement it says “You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving”.  Whilst this is true I think you know my attitude which is if you hang on to anger and be unforgiving you can make that into a habit which in turn will make you into an angry, hateful person. So who wants to be that? To deal with this type of issue I recommend the Peaceful Place CD Acceptance and Letting Go. The CD is available here and the download is available here.

Another reaction when dealing with Toxic People could be anger – have a look at Overcoming Anger – Peaceful Place CD #9 or the download.

On my website I have a Guide called How to Manage Stress and another called How to Manage Pain. These two topics will help if Stress or Mental Pain is the result of dealing with Toxic People. At each topic you are also taught Building Your Peaceful Place (and more of course).

Dr Bradberry States …

That “Toxic people defy logic” and are usually quite unaware of their negative impact.  While it’s important to know how to handle these sorts of people it is also important to realise that usually it will be an unrewarding drain on your energies.

I found it interesting that he said … “It’s often said that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with.  If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back.”

Dr Bradberry suggest that there are 10 types of people you must do everything to avoid … and ... see more here.  

Avoid These People If You Can

* The Gossip
An old fashioned saying I remember well and think of if ever the temptation arises to speak disparagingly of somebody:  If you haven’t got anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all.

* The Temperamental
These people do not have control over their emotions.

* The Victim
Oh surely you have met one of these …. “Poor little me … !”  Sometimes it’s hard to recognise “The Victim” the first time you hear their “sob-story” … but after a while the repetitive nature of their whining suddenly dawns on you.

* The Self-Absorbed
Don’t be a sounding board for this sort of person’s enormous ego and self preoccupation.

* The Envious
Ultimately we are all responsible for our own life experiences.  Sure …. Fate and “luck” come into it a bit …. But learn to strive for better and when you’re dealt a “dud hand” …. Handle it and move on.

* The Manipulator
This is another one that it’s sometimes hard to immediately identify, but it shouldn’t take you too long.

* The Dementor
Have you read the Harry Potter books?  You will know exactly what this type is if you have.  They “suck the life out of you” with their black-cloud mentality and their very presence.

* The Twisted.
Oooooh nasty and to be avoided at all costs.

* The Judgmental
Often the sign of an insecure person.

* The Arrogant
Nobody likes this one.

So John, check out the websites I mentioned to read more on this subject.  To help maintain your own good self esteem, self love and self confidence have a look at the Peaceful Place Meditation CD here or the download here. You know what else really helps is attending the Seminar  “Creating Happiness Intentionally” – CHI.  It is held but once a year and the next one is scheduled in Sydney, from  Wednesday 27th April to Sunday 1st May 2016.

All the best


"Your gift from God is your potential – Your gift to God is to use it."

The Next Creating Happiness Intentionally Seminar - 

The CHI Seminar which is all about determining and moving towards your Life Purpose
27 April - 1 May 2016 
Read about the seminar - details are here. For more or to hold a spot call 1 300 731 900. It is never too early to book and hold a place.

Success Stories

These two success Stories were sent to me some time aga and are particularly relevant to the subject matter.

Something remarkable happened to me on the second day of your seminar. To give a little background information - I am the eldest child of a very dysfunctional family, riddled with addiction and alcoholism for generations. I married an alcoholic and we had years of struggle until we both found Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon and the wonderful 12 Step Programmes, which your teachings compliment.  Anyway as part of her emotional and spiritual sickness, my mother was a martyr, and martyrs acquire their power by making everyone feel extreme guilt. I had unresolved anger towards my mother who died a few years ago. One of my obsessions in life was to be the perfect parent, my parents never were, and to stop the cycles of addiction that have gone on so long in my family. I am especially fearful that my children will become alcoholics and addicts (and the pain will start all over again) despite all the effort I have gone to, to stop the crippling messages and dysfunction in my family, and to lead positive, empowering lifestyles filled with unconditional love!

When we did the last meditation session in your seminar, my aim was to 'let my children go' (they are 21 and 24 years old!) and not to worry about them like I do (they really are very good and very successful in their lives at this stage!) However before we began that last session you showed us a very moving film - the name of which escapes me - about the woman dying of cancer, as her mother had before her, and her husband, played by Sam Neil, was insisting she see a doctor to help her heal herself. She went off to the cemetery all night to speak with her dead parents. This really struck a chord with me and I realised that I needed to work on forgiving my mother (I had already had the opportunity to forgive my father for his terrible rages, before he died.) Anyway, in our meditation session with you, instead of working on letting my children go as I had planned, I communicated with my mother. I finally accepted that she had done the best she could with where she was at, at the time and I forgave her for all the hurt that I had felt in our relationship. No sooner had I done that, than I realised that I too have always done the best I could as a parent and I can forgive myself for my perceived failures as a mother. Having done that I could then 'let my children go', because it is no longer necessary for me to hold onto them to 'fix' the damage I may have incurred! What was so surprising to me was that it all fell together like dominoes in that one meditation session! Shortly afterwards, on my mother's birthday, I felt her come and stand beside me in the forest and acknowledge the forgiveness. I don't know if all that I have written here makes sense to you, but thank you very much anyway SandyMM  NZ


My main reason for wanting to attend your Seminar was that I had hoped my son would accompany me.  He has deep-seated anger, road-rage etc. and without taking up any more of your precious time suffice to say he has "attended" your 2 Day Life Skills Seminar on the DVDs with remarkable results.  I also loaned him your book "Switch on to your inner strength"  (I have read many books through the years on this theme but none with so much clarity and ease of understanding as yours) he listens to your Guided Imagery CD and rang me to tell me he is now sleeping better than he has in 3 years.   

My sincere thanks and best wishes to you and your family.  SM, NSW


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