How can I cope with extreme grief
I encourage people to talk about their grief and about their Loved Ones. "Forgetting" about events is almost impossible and in many cases not even desirable. There is no doubt that life tests us all and many of us go through more than others - there often seems to be neither rhyme nor reason that we can fathom. Hatred and anger can be destructive forces in our lives I believe that they can be addressed and "worked through". When facing any adversity, I believe that it is extremely important to discuss it and work with what is at hand. Not talking about it is the worst thing one can do, because this can lead to the subconscious mind handling it with nightmares, hot sweats, unexplained anger, irrational action and PTSD. The emotion around the event is what actually causes the memory of the event. If bringing the negative event to mind causes pain in the way of anger, hostility, blame, hurt etc, then one is hurting oneself. For instance whenever I think of my daughters I may be guilty of thinking, momentarily, of their horrific death but I now immediately replace the negative thought with fond, loving memories.
My book "Switch On to Your Inner Strength" may be helpful. You can read about it and see the first couple of chapters on this website.