Story from Joe
The background is that Joe's father left home when Joe was about two years old — that is just after the birth of his brother. Joe felt that his mother never loved him. Even his earliest memories, when he was eight or nine years old, he can remember staying out of the house as long as possible so that he wasn't verbally abused and put down by his mother. His brother was the pet. Always as Joe grew up, he could never do anything right. He often would recall being told by his mother that he would never be any good, no matter what he did. Joe never saw his father.
When Joe was about fifteen years old he left home, never to return. He did see his mother and brother for the next three years, when he would once again be abused and told that he was hopeless. Joe hated his mother and at the same time needed and craved her approval. Thirteen more years passed and Joe has seen neither his mother nor his father, nor his brother. He did however know the whereabouts of his father and that his brother had got married.
At the CHI Seminar when huge issues came up, Joe said to me that he still craves his mother's approval and he thought that he would never be any good until he had it. We talked about this and it came up that Joe said that he would be "racing off the property" if he knew his mother was on it. In other words, he could not even bear the thought of seeing or confronting his mother — such was his fear.
We chatted about the circumstances of his father leaving and one of the possible scenarios discussed was that his father doted on Joe and when he left the failed marriage, his mother really took it out on Joe.
This helped Joe in meditation to be able to visualise that his mother was on a ship at sea and that he was on another ship, as they passed. Gradually the ships passed closer and closer to each other until he was able to sight his mother. He took this a stage further and visualised passing his mother on the beach, while she was swimming in the water.
Over the next six months Joe met and talked to his dad and his brother. Another twelve months went by and Joe met with his mother. It was a very strained meeting, however progress was made. In his own words this is what he is now visualising: "I picture my mum standing a few feet away. I shake her hand. I give her a hug, look into her eyes and say 'I love you'. After I do this I am completely drained of energy, I fall asleep for half an hour. It sucks huge amounts of energy".