Forgiveness

Story from ??

I use my Peaceful Place very frequently, it helps me with stress, emotional pain, fear and guilt. It helped me to heal from a serious ski injury, from arthritis of the shoulder and from a recent bout of chest 'flu .  However, the thing I wanted to tell you most was something remarkable, which happened to me on the second day of your seminar. To give a little background information - I am the eldest child of a very dysfunctional family, riddled with addiction and alcoholism for generations. I married an alcoholic and we had years of struggle until we both found Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon and the wonderful 12 Step Programmes, which your teachings compliment.  Anyway as part of her emotional and spiritual sickness, my mother was a martyr, and martyrs acquire their power by making everyone feel extreme guilt. I had unresolved anger towards my mother who died a few years ago. One of my obsessions in life was to be the perfect parent, my parents never were, and to stop the cycles of addiction that have gone on so long in my family. I am especially fearful that my children will become alcoholics and addicts (and the pain will start all over again) despite all the effort I have gone to, to stop the crippling messages and dysfunction in my family, and to lead positive, empowering lifestyles filled with unconditional love!

When we did the last meditation session in your seminar, my aim was to 'let my children go' (they are 21 and 24 years old!) and not to worry about them like I do (they really are very good and very successful in their lives at this stage!) However before we began that last session you showed us a very moving film - the name of which escapes me - about the woman dying of cancer, as her mother had before her, and her husband, played by Sam Neil, was insisting she see a doctor to help her heal herself. She went off to the cemetery all night to speak with her dead parents.. This really struck a chord with me and I realised that I needed to work on forgiving my mother (I had already had the opportunity to forgive my father for his terrible rages, before he died.) Anyway, in our meditation session with you, instead of working on letting my children go as I had planned, I communicated with my mother. I finally accepted that she had done the best she could with where she was at, at the time and I forgave her for all the hurt that I had felt in our relationship. No sooner had I done that, than I realised that I too have always done the best I could as a parent and I can forgive myself for my perceived failures as a mother. Having done that I could then 'let my children go', because it is no longer necessary for me to hold onto them to 'fix' the damage I may have incurred! What was so surprising to me was that it all fell together like dominoes in that one meditation session! Shortly afterwards, on my mother's birthday, I felt her come and stand beside me in the forest and acknowledge the forgiveness.  Thank you very much Sandy.